Here I am, my second post in a day. Maybe I should do homework. Maybe not.
Anyway, I am going to write a little bit today about something that has been on my mind quite a lot lately.
I have a fourteen year old cousin named Kayla. Kayla has always been one of the sweetest people I know. I remember when she was born, and it has just been a huge blessing (not to mention really fun) to have grown up with her all this time. We got to be in Young Women together, with a couple of fun years at girls’ camp and many a game of puffy poo at family reunions and such. Also, I always felt like she thought I was cool, which always helps a person’s case with me.
Anyway, Kayla and her family are very special to me and I just love that girl so much. Recently, we found out that Kayla had ovarian cancer. It was a huge shock, because she has always been so healthy and had no signs of being sick. As far as I know she was just in for a routine check-up when the doctor advised them to go see an oncologist and they quickly removed the tumor. 19 cm. 19 cm of a very rare type of ovarian cancer. There was no sign that the cancer spread, but because of the size of the treatment and the unpredictability of these types of cancer cells, they have recommended chemotherapy to assure that any cancer cells that may be lurking around are eliminated. She starts treatment this Friday.
From what I hear and what I saw when I was home, Kayla is handling this beautifully. When she first found out she’d be getting chemo, she put her facebook status as, “Kayla gets to start looking for some flippin’ sweet hats.” That is typical sunshiny Kayla! But it has been (and will continue to be) an emotional journey for all of us. But I have faith that it will also be a spiritual journey, bringing her and her family, as well as our extended family and friends, closer to each other and closer to God. The Young Women and Relief Society in our home ward are organizing a hat shower, where we can bring her hats, scarves, earrings, etc. The Young Women, along with Mama, Grandma, and probably many others, are also doing a sort of friendship bracelet thing, where we will have six bracelets (one for each of the chemotherapy treatments Kayla will have) beginning on our left hands. As she completes each treatment, we will move one bracelet to our right hands. Hopefully Kayla knows that, though we cannot truly understand what she is going through, we are also looking forward to the day when she does not have to endure that again. That will be our little way of supporting her through this trying time.
If you know Kayla, and even if you don’t, please remember her and her family in your prayers. The Lord is and will continue taking care of them; of that much we are certain. Our Savior, too, has borne that burden, that pain, and that fear, and He will carry them through.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
When I originally started this blog, I wanted it to focus on love. I wanted it to be a way for me to express gratitude for love, to acknowledge the power of love, through the evidences I’ve witnessed in my life. At some times more than others, my posts have lived up to that goal. But, I think as I have explained in a previous post, I realized that every time I write, there is some evidence of love. Whether I’m sharing a new recipe, telling a funny story (or at least one that I find funny), or even speaking ever-so-vaguely about a trial I am enduring, there is something to be said for love in there. With the recipes and funny stories, I am able to recognize that my Father in Heaven has blessed me with so many things, not excluding nourishment, chocolate, and even small but significant reasons to smile. And He does so because He loves me! With the trials and hardships, I’m usually able, by the end of my writing, to recognize that God is in control and that He guides me through the rough time I’m having. And He does so because He loves me! I’ve written about strange dreams, high school memories, emotional freak-outs, my silly little quirks, weddings, scary dentist appointments, family, friends, finding my place in life. Heck, I've even blogged in my sleep. And I am able to write all of these things why? Because Heavenly Father loves me. He gave me my life, my body, my spirit, this gospel. He has given me countless things and people to love, and the means whereby I can feel and express that love. Through my writing this blog, as well as through other means, I know that Love is manifest in all things, and all things testify of Christ—of His and our Father’s perfect love.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Like a week that's only Mondays. Only ice cream, never sundaes.
My brain pulled a no-no this evening while I was feeling down in the dumps. I had just watched The Wiz with my roommates, and the Tin Man's line "Nobody home in soulville" started turning my brain.
"Maybe," said my brain, "life would be better if there were no one home in soulville, if we were to live without love. Because then you wouldn't know what you were missing out on when you love people who don't seem to love you back or to love you as much as you love them."
It actually sounded pretty good at the time. But don't worry, keep reading, this story has a happy ending.
See, I love Love too much to be able to keep thinking this could be a good pattern for life. Love itself makes me very happy. Love is so inherently good that it could never really cause problems.
Okay, so you say it's not Love, but Unreciprocated Love that causes pain and heartache. Well for me, the most painful thing is not what others have or have not done in response to my loving them, but rather, the lies that Satan has fed to me about the reasons why they may not have returned the favor.
"Sure, maybe you're pretty to you, but other people might not think so."
"Sure, you're a pretty good person, but you're not good enough. You don't serve enough. You're not nice enough. You're not smart enough. You're not cute enough. You're not witty enough. You don't know enough about sports." (Yes, he's thrown that one at me, as ridiculous as it sounds. He threw it at me, and I couldn't, or didn't, dodge it. And it hurt!)
But that's the dirty dirty game he plays. He trash-talks like crazy, telling you that you can't win. He throws everything negative at you and drowns you in it. He doesn't give the positive any room to breathe. It's like when you jump too far into the Ball Crawl or a foam pit and it takes you a really long time to get out because you kind of just go straight to the bottom. Or maybe it's like when you're really drowning, but that's just too morbid.
Anyway, he drowns/suffocates/blinds/does other bad things to you with everything negative so it seems like you are stuck in an impossible situation, like everything in the world is going against you and your only defenses are the tears in your eyes and that Dove chocolate bar. And sometimes not even that chocolate bar.
I guess it is times like these when I need to remember that I do have a greater defense. The greatest tool, in fact, for kicking Satan out of my life.
What is it, you ask?
Well, Love, of course!
["Why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?"]
See, just off the top of my head and maybe a little off the back of it, I could name over 100 people that love me. At least, I'm just assuming that all my first cousins love me. Maybe that's a stretch, but throw in the distant relatives, aunts, uncles, grandparents, siblings, parents, and my good friends, and we've certainly got at least that first 100 covered. And most importantly, I've got the love of the Greatest of All. My Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, love me.
How could I have thought for one second that life could be good without that Love, or without the knowledge of that Love? So, Satan, consider yourself banished. I don't want to put up with your junk anymore! Maybe I'll even file for a restraining order.
In all seriousness, though, I am so grateful to know of the perfect Love that the Father has for me. I know that I have been blessed with the ability to love, and however imperfectly I may do so, I am going to try my hardest to always love. And to never forget or question again just how sacred the gift of Love truly is. I love Love!
"Maybe," said my brain, "life would be better if there were no one home in soulville, if we were to live without love. Because then you wouldn't know what you were missing out on when you love people who don't seem to love you back or to love you as much as you love them."
It actually sounded pretty good at the time. But don't worry, keep reading, this story has a happy ending.
See, I love Love too much to be able to keep thinking this could be a good pattern for life. Love itself makes me very happy. Love is so inherently good that it could never really cause problems.
Okay, so you say it's not Love, but Unreciprocated Love that causes pain and heartache. Well for me, the most painful thing is not what others have or have not done in response to my loving them, but rather, the lies that Satan has fed to me about the reasons why they may not have returned the favor.
"Sure, maybe you're pretty to you, but other people might not think so."
"Sure, you're a pretty good person, but you're not good enough. You don't serve enough. You're not nice enough. You're not smart enough. You're not cute enough. You're not witty enough. You don't know enough about sports." (Yes, he's thrown that one at me, as ridiculous as it sounds. He threw it at me, and I couldn't, or didn't, dodge it. And it hurt!)
But that's the dirty dirty game he plays. He trash-talks like crazy, telling you that you can't win. He throws everything negative at you and drowns you in it. He doesn't give the positive any room to breathe. It's like when you jump too far into the Ball Crawl or a foam pit and it takes you a really long time to get out because you kind of just go straight to the bottom. Or maybe it's like when you're really drowning, but that's just too morbid.
Anyway, he drowns/suffocates/blinds/does other bad things to you with everything negative so it seems like you are stuck in an impossible situation, like everything in the world is going against you and your only defenses are the tears in your eyes and that Dove chocolate bar. And sometimes not even that chocolate bar.
I guess it is times like these when I need to remember that I do have a greater defense. The greatest tool, in fact, for kicking Satan out of my life.
What is it, you ask?
Well, Love, of course!
["Why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?"]
See, just off the top of my head and maybe a little off the back of it, I could name over 100 people that love me. At least, I'm just assuming that all my first cousins love me. Maybe that's a stretch, but throw in the distant relatives, aunts, uncles, grandparents, siblings, parents, and my good friends, and we've certainly got at least that first 100 covered. And most importantly, I've got the love of the Greatest of All. My Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, love me.
How could I have thought for one second that life could be good without that Love, or without the knowledge of that Love? So, Satan, consider yourself banished. I don't want to put up with your junk anymore! Maybe I'll even file for a restraining order.
In all seriousness, though, I am so grateful to know of the perfect Love that the Father has for me. I know that I have been blessed with the ability to love, and however imperfectly I may do so, I am going to try my hardest to always love. And to never forget or question again just how sacred the gift of Love truly is. I love Love!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Row B Seat 13
Here I am, at the airport! I am so excited to go home.
Here are my plans:
1. play
2. burn all the old home videos to DVD
3. play
4. record a song or two with my seestor
5. read at least one act in Macbeth. That's right, homework. Blech.
6. spend time with bessfrinn Kaitlin and her chipmunk cheeks
7. eat at Bojangles
8. play
9. second Christmas with my family
10. play
I think it is going to be a good weekend. No, scratch that, FANTASTIC.
In other news, I have been accepted to study English Language in Britain this summer term. 7 weeks in the British Isles, 4 of which will be mostly in London, with a few days in Wales, Scotland and Ireland every now and again and even a weekend in Paris. I will be taking Varieties of English, History of the English Language, and possibly something else. Who knows? I am excited.
But right now, I'm more excited for North Carolina. It has been over 1 year since I have watched Tarheel basketball with my family, and that is sad. This trip is really going to recharge my batteries. I am so happy!
Here are my plans:
1. play
2. burn all the old home videos to DVD
3. play
4. record a song or two with my seestor
5. read at least one act in Macbeth. That's right, homework. Blech.
6. spend time with bessfrinn Kaitlin and her chipmunk cheeks
7. eat at Bojangles
8. play
9. second Christmas with my family
10. play
I think it is going to be a good weekend. No, scratch that, FANTASTIC.
In other news, I have been accepted to study English Language in Britain this summer term. 7 weeks in the British Isles, 4 of which will be mostly in London, with a few days in Wales, Scotland and Ireland every now and again and even a weekend in Paris. I will be taking Varieties of English, History of the English Language, and possibly something else. Who knows? I am excited.
But right now, I'm more excited for North Carolina. It has been over 1 year since I have watched Tarheel basketball with my family, and that is sad. This trip is really going to recharge my batteries. I am so happy!
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