Lower-ks. It's like "lowercase," get it?

I've noticed something about myself recently. Let me tell you a story. It's called "I like 'k' better than 'K.'" It goes like this:

I really like the lowercase version of the first letter of my name better than I like the capital version. Don't you think it looks cooler? Here they are side by side for comparison:

k K

Maybe it's a reflection of my desire to be a part of the crowd rather than standing out too much. Maybe it's reminiscent of my younger years, when writing in either ALL CAPS, Small Caps, or no caps was a manifestation of creativity in handwriting. Or maybe it's just the asymmetry that is so appealing to me. Whatever it is, it creates kind of a funny dilemma. See, since I just think the lowercase looks so much nicer, I enjoy typing it that way, especially when signing my name at the end of emails. It usually looks something like this:

--katelyn

(And, for comparison's sake again)

--Katelyn

I just like it. I think it looks nice and polished. I think it's how the top right stem of the "k" is the same height as the "a." Whatever.

Here's the problem, though. It's called "I am a college graduate now and I kinda sorta have a real person job." I often find myself wondering if it sends a weird message about me when I sign my emails with a lowercase k. I use great (if not perfect) capitalization and punctuation within the body of my emails; I just can't not do it anymore. I sometimes try, but my guilty conscience gets the best of me and I inevitably edit it before I send it. It's the signing, though, that puts me in a fit.

Now, with personal emails, it's no big deal. I sign those with all lowercase all the time. It's like saying to someone, "I can be myself around you. I don't feel the need to be perfect. I trust you not to judge me for not capitalizing my name." But for work emails, I always face this dilemma: do I follow my heart and stay true to my true preferences, or do I grit my teeth and follow the conventions that I am so dogged to keep 99.9 percent of the time anyway? It's not that I worry too much that my coworkers will think I'm stupid, but rather that it might send a message of carelessness when, in fact, I lowercase with all the care in the world. Lowercasing my name has become part of who I am.

The real difficulty comes when I have crossed the lowercasing line once, even if by accident. I did this a couple of days ago when I signed a work email (nothing too crazy, just a quick check-in with one of my supervisors) with all lowercase letters. Like I said, it's part of who I am and I think it looks good. I don't think I even realized I had done it until she replied and I saw my original email signed by "--katelyn." The next time I email her, what am I going to do?! If I capitalize my "k" after that incident, I'll feel like a sell-out. Like, "Oh, I was going to follow my heart and be myself but then I got scared of what you might think." Plus, in my mind (I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who thinks this), it would emphasize the fact that my name was lowercase the first time, thus suggesting that the signature on the original email was a careless or lazy mistake on my part.

However, if I keep it lowercase, it's like I'm reassuring the recipient that I know what I'm doing when I write my lowercase "k." I do it on purpose, and she does not need to doubt my competence. Or maybe it will just make her doubt it even more, as that would make multiple emails in which I didn't capitalize my own name.

I know this is all very silly and I probably sound like I'm being overly dramatic about this. (I mean, really, is there anybody out there over the age of 16 who has ever had a thought process this ridiculous?) But this is real life for me, folks. I face this every time I write an email. Having written about it in detail, though, I'm feeling like I should just lowercase my name all the time, except for in my handwritten signatures (because I really like my capital cursive "k") and in really important things like job application emails, etc. But once I've been hired or maybe just shared this post and/or my rationalizations for non-capitalization of my name, they can expect a valiant effort if not near-perfection in everything I do except writing K at the beginning of my name.

The end.

Love,

katelyn

Daddy!

In honor of Fathers' Day, I wanted to write down a few quotations from my daddy that demonstrate some of the important life lessons he's taught me.

Daddy has always taught me about good hygiene. On several occasions when I've told him I'm going to shower because I smell bad, he has said, "When you finally smell yourself, you know that everyone else started to smell you three days ago." (This might explain why every time I walk in the door and say, "Hi, Popsy," he responds with "Hey, poopsie.")

Daddy always encouraged me to find out who I am and be proud of it. This is exemplified by his song that pretty much just goes, "I'm a blue jean man. Whomp. Whomp." He always comforted me through the times I was trying to figure out who I am and how to love myself. He told me, "They always say Mormons are peculiar, but you've got it extra bad because you're Gentry. And you've got an extra dose of weirdness because you're the Geoffrey brand of Gentry. Sorry." I know now that that is so true, but I can't help but be excited for when I fall in mutual weirdness with someone who appreciates my Gentryness.

Anyone who has been close to me recently knows that my favorite piece of advice is "follow your heart." This can be partially attributed to the way Daddy sings songs that he doesn't know the words to. Somehow, he always works in the phrase "Oh, my heart." Daddy knows the heart is where it's at.

It's also because of Daddy that I have a weird sense of humor, cowlicks, and Shuler legs, but we'll forgive him for that. 

On a more serious note, Daddy has always been there to give me advice when I've been going through difficult times. He's taught me about my Savior and the power in the Atonement and the strength that comes through prayer. After one heartbreak in particular, he told me that "rejection isn't failure; it's feedback. Learn from it." I have learned many things working from this philosophy. Anytime I feel like I have been rejected or like I need to improve, I remember these words and try to move forward with faith. I will never forget the wisdom in those words. 

One of the most important things Daddy has taught me is that happiness is a choice. He once told me, "When things get hard remember that no matter where you are, you're only a few minutes away from laughter." Daddy has chosen to be happy and smile through so many trials in his life. That is a lifestyle and attitude that I hope I can adopt as successfully as he has. I love him so much and I'm glad he's my poppy!

Friendlove part 2: Clarky

If you've read this blog for a while, you have probably heard of Clark before. That's because he was my fake fiance on April Fools' Day. (Oh yeah, I never revealed the prank on here, so if you didn't find out through facebook, then . . . joke's on you! You're now a May and June fool, too.) Anyway, even though Clark is not my eternal-companion-to-be, he is still one of my dearest friends and he deserves to get some lovin'.

Clark and I have been friends for a little over 2 years now. We were in the same ward for a while before we met, and he was really close with our good friend Tamara. Around the same time Tamara moved out of the ward, I decided I needed to expand my circle of friends. I figured that if Clark was cool enough to be that close with Tamara (because she's pretty dang amazing too), I should be his friend too. I think that the first few times we met, he thought I was a crazy person. Maybe even annoying. But for some reason, we kept on being friends, despite some differences in our personalities. (Clark is one of the few people who knows how to say things so random that I will have absolutely no response. That's helped keep my humor on its toes, though.) Within the past year--but especially in the past three or four months, though--Clark and I have gotten pretty close. He's seen me in some of my best times (Wookiee noises in the library) and in some of my worst times (feeling worthless after throwing up all night), and yet we're still tight. He really is a fantastic friend.

I've seen Clark work through some really difficult trials. He has never stopped putting his best foot forward and making the best of whatever situations he has come across. He is also an enormous example to me of setting goals and working toward them. He is a man of action. Whether his goals be physical, emotional, spiritual, or otherwise, I think that Clark has a gift for seeing his potential and working hard to achieve it. After deciding to do a triathlon only three weeks before it happens, he inspired me to do one too (though I'll be working on that until early September). He is an inspiring person, and I'm glad he's in my life.