The answer

I have the answer to why I'm still single. It's the only possible explanation.

I'm not ticklish. 

See, all of my roommates are ticklish, and they all have boyfriends or a fiancé. Almost daily, I hear one of them being tickled in our living room or kitchen. (You can take a quick barf break now if you want. I'll stick around though; all my experience in this arena has led to an increasingly suppressed gag reflex.)

Ok, are you back? Cool. Well, I'm completely (halfway) serious about this hypothesis. Don't believe that I'm not ticklish? Well, I love having people tickle/massage my feet because I think it feels awesome, and my armpits, belly, and neck just aren't ticklish. The only exception is that sometimes I hug my friend (i.e.; we share a hug that is scientifically qualifiable as the best hug in the world)

like this

and his beard whiskers make me giggle. Or sometimes he talks while we're hugging and makes the inside of my ear all tickly. I also feel like my funny bone is hyperticklish sometimes. Other than that, though, I pretty much stopped being ticklish around 8 years ago . . . right around the time of my first heartbreak. Coincidence?

Maybe there's something about being ticklish that signifies some vulnerability, and when it comes to dating, people like that. I guess I've just got to show my vulnerability in other ways. Yay for crying in almost every movie ever!