Condensed life update:
It is finals week. I have a final and a half (that half of one is a take-home test) plus the rest of my 10-15 page research paper to do before I'm finished. And then I have classes spring term, study abroad summer term, then fall (only 12 credits!!!) and winter semesters. Then I graduate! Crazy.
I leave in exactly 2 months from this Wednesday for my study abroad. I can't wait to get my bookbag!
I am moving out in four days.
I have amazing friends.
The past four days:
Thursday: Lunch at J-Dawgs with my best friend Ty. Hadn't seen him in a month. Swam. Played basketball and volleyball and hula-hooped for 5 minutes straight at Kara's graduation party. Abs looked great the next day.
Friday: Friend slash home teacher, Jeremy, took me to my Syntax "final" -- Since our test was scheduled for 7 to 10 PM on a Friday night, my professor decided we'd just have a take-home final and turn it in at a party at her house. Sweet! Pretty sure I aced the test.
Saturday: Went swimming. Took a nap in the sun. Glorious. Photo shoot with Allison, my old roommate who married my fourth cousin. Went to a few places around town. Took some pictures. Felt really pretty. Got yelled at by a grumpy man near Utah State Hospital. Came home and made dinner with my friend Michael. Went to the grocery store. Bought a lot of milk and a lot of cereal. Went up to our friend Scott's apartment and watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Ate Mike & Ikes.
Sunday: Musical number in Sacrament Meeting. Kara, Debra, and Maddie played flute and I accompanied them on piano. Got released from my calling as Relief Society President (post about all that is forthcoming). Had really great experiences and insights about some things. Went to the park with Kara, Debra, Maddie, Chelsie, Avalika, and Sharlene (I've basically lived at their apartment for the past few weeks). Had a picnic lunch. Chicken salad sandwiches and potato salad. Took a bunch of crazy ridiculous pictures that I love. Talked to my sister. Missed her a lot. Ward prayer. Grilled pineapple from a raptor. Serenaded people from 110's window well. Got home taught. Had cupcake cake from Whitney. Watched Space Jam.
I love love LOVE this. I really don't want to have to say goodbye. Please, life, stay good to me. I love you right now.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Honk Shoe
Okay, folks. There's something that's been weighing on my mind and I just don't feel right going on without telling you. I feel like I'm lying to you every time I blog and don't write about this. If you don't want to follow any more after this post, I will understand. I write this knowing that it may even limit my opportunities for dating, as I may just seem even more unattractive. I just have to be honest with myself. I have to be honest with you. There's no more hiding it.
I snore.
Yes, that's right. I snore. And not just cute little baby snores, either -- my roommate sleeps on the couch all the time because it's that bad, I guess. It is embarrassing as heck and I am not at all proud of it.
I don't know how long it has been a problem. I think it is a fairly recent development, though, because after three years of college, this is the first time any of my roommates have brought it up. And after talking with most of them they have said it hasn't been an issue. Of course this is the first year I have consistently gone to bed earlier than my roommate, so maybe the others just didn't know. Anyway, long story short, my current roommate brought it up one day, and in a way that didn't quite sit right with me. So I was sad. Embarrassed. A little bit angry too, but especially sad and embarrassed.
We got it mostly worked out and I've mostly let it go. I say "mostly" because I still snore sometimes. But the sadness? Gone. The anger? For sure gone. But the embarrassment remains every time that I wake up in the morning and find that she has gone into the living room to sleep.
I tried breathe-right strips, and they only sort of worked. I guess my face gets too greasy at night and one side would always unstick itself from my face. (. . . Oops, another unattractive confession. Dang!)
My roommate told me it only happens when I'm on my back. See, I'm most comfortable on my side, but on my side I am more likely to roll over to my back. So I try sleeping on my stomach, but I often wake up because I can't breathe due to my face getting buried in my pillow, etc.
I went to the doctor to make sure nothing is really too much wrong with me (I'll be getting a partial sleep study done once finals are over I think, just to monitor oxygen levels, etc.) but she said it's not likely that I have sleep apnea.
My adenoids have been removed too, so they're not the problem.
It might help to lose some weight, but since when have I not known that? Plus the story of that battle is for a different blog post.
Bottom line: I am a snorer.
I have to accept this, as ashamed and reluctant as I am to do so. I feel like I ruin people's lives, like I am a menace to society, and I don't like it. At times during this school year, this knowledge has been one of the greatest sources of anxiety for me, which says a lot . . . . Trust me, there have been plenty of difficult things this year.
But you know, I have to look at this as a blessing. If snoring is one of my most unbearable trials (and maybe acknowledging this is just asking for something more . . .) then how much do I have to be grateful for? Of all the physical ailments that I could possibly experience -- high blood pressure and diabetes, just to name a couple that run in my family -- I snore.
Risks:
*I will probably always be embarrassed for as long as this keeps happening.
*My relationships with roommates, etc. may suffer because of this.
*My snoring could be an indication of something worse long-term.
But
*I must keep in mind that my imperfections don't define or defile me! I snore, but I'm still a good person, or at least I try to be.
*I can improve my communication skills; I'll tell those people I snore, and then they can help me overcome/deal with it.
*It will never hurt to keep trying every day to take better care of myself.
So, to future roommates, future husband, and anyone else whose quality of life may be tarnished because of this problem I have, I apologize. Help me live with my imperfections, and I will help you live with yours. Trust me, you have them. :)
I snore.
Yes, that's right. I snore. And not just cute little baby snores, either -- my roommate sleeps on the couch all the time because it's that bad, I guess. It is embarrassing as heck and I am not at all proud of it.
I don't know how long it has been a problem. I think it is a fairly recent development, though, because after three years of college, this is the first time any of my roommates have brought it up. And after talking with most of them they have said it hasn't been an issue. Of course this is the first year I have consistently gone to bed earlier than my roommate, so maybe the others just didn't know. Anyway, long story short, my current roommate brought it up one day, and in a way that didn't quite sit right with me. So I was sad. Embarrassed. A little bit angry too, but especially sad and embarrassed.
We got it mostly worked out and I've mostly let it go. I say "mostly" because I still snore sometimes. But the sadness? Gone. The anger? For sure gone. But the embarrassment remains every time that I wake up in the morning and find that she has gone into the living room to sleep.
I tried breathe-right strips, and they only sort of worked. I guess my face gets too greasy at night and one side would always unstick itself from my face. (. . . Oops, another unattractive confession. Dang!)
My roommate told me it only happens when I'm on my back. See, I'm most comfortable on my side, but on my side I am more likely to roll over to my back. So I try sleeping on my stomach, but I often wake up because I can't breathe due to my face getting buried in my pillow, etc.
I went to the doctor to make sure nothing is really too much wrong with me (I'll be getting a partial sleep study done once finals are over I think, just to monitor oxygen levels, etc.) but she said it's not likely that I have sleep apnea.
My adenoids have been removed too, so they're not the problem.
It might help to lose some weight, but since when have I not known that? Plus the story of that battle is for a different blog post.
Bottom line: I am a snorer.
I have to accept this, as ashamed and reluctant as I am to do so. I feel like I ruin people's lives, like I am a menace to society, and I don't like it. At times during this school year, this knowledge has been one of the greatest sources of anxiety for me, which says a lot . . . . Trust me, there have been plenty of difficult things this year.
But you know, I have to look at this as a blessing. If snoring is one of my most unbearable trials (and maybe acknowledging this is just asking for something more . . .) then how much do I have to be grateful for? Of all the physical ailments that I could possibly experience -- high blood pressure and diabetes, just to name a couple that run in my family -- I snore.
Risks:
*I will probably always be embarrassed for as long as this keeps happening.
*My relationships with roommates, etc. may suffer because of this.
*My snoring could be an indication of something worse long-term.
But
*I must keep in mind that my imperfections don't define or defile me! I snore, but I'm still a good person, or at least I try to be.
*I can improve my communication skills; I'll tell those people I snore, and then they can help me overcome/deal with it.
*It will never hurt to keep trying every day to take better care of myself.
So, to future roommates, future husband, and anyone else whose quality of life may be tarnished because of this problem I have, I apologize. Help me live with my imperfections, and I will help you live with yours. Trust me, you have them. :)
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Creation
Today in Relief Society our lesson was about the Creation. We had a beautiful discussion, and I just wanted to share a quick thought that came to me during that hour.
One of the questions asked toward the end of the lesson was about how the Creation testifies of God's love for us. As I thought about that question, I remembered that He created all of these wonderful things that work perfectly together for our good. He created this world for our enjoyment and use. And He gave us stewardship over and responsibility for His creations, all of which I am sure He must love; don't we all take great pride in our work? Don't we all love the things we create? Yet as large and magnificent as the mountains are, as powerful as the wind is, as beautiful as the sky is, we, as humans, were made to have dominion in this world. That is because we are His children, and the love He has for us is even greater than that which He has for His other creations. How cool is that?
Today I gained a greater appreciation for that knowledge. I realized that we are always expressing gratitude and awe at the wonder and beauty of nature. A lot of people talk about how they feel so small when they are in nature, observing and appreciating the overcoming beauty of it all. But shouldn't it be different? Shouldn't we feel bigger? More empowered? Not only does the Father love us enough to create these things for our enjoyment, but He trusts us enough to put them in our care. It is my belief that this world and this life, in more ways than one, is a preparation for things to come. If we live our lives worthily and diligently, it will be our privilege to someday have the same godly experience of creating and ruling. In His gift to us of the Creation, Heavenly Father is teaching us something of our divine nature. We, too, have the inherent power to create.
Also, sometimes we feel ugly. I've had plenty of ugly days myself, and they're not fun. Especially when we're at camp and we aren't showering or wearing makeup or doing our hair, we might feel like the beauty of nature is so much greater than our own. But please remember on your ugly days that, in our Father's eyes, you are the most beautiful of His creations. I would submit that the only thing more beautiful than us is the Plan of Salvation, the purpose of which is to bring us back to our Father's presence. You are an essential part of that plan. A very beautiful part. Next time you stop and take a minute to appreciate nature, take two minutes and remember to appreciate yourself, your body, your life, your purpose, your destiny. And then thank our Father for His infinite wisdom and creativity. Thank Him for the world that was created for us, but also thank Him for Us, that the world could be filled by such beloved and beautiful inhabitants.
One of the questions asked toward the end of the lesson was about how the Creation testifies of God's love for us. As I thought about that question, I remembered that He created all of these wonderful things that work perfectly together for our good. He created this world for our enjoyment and use. And He gave us stewardship over and responsibility for His creations, all of which I am sure He must love; don't we all take great pride in our work? Don't we all love the things we create? Yet as large and magnificent as the mountains are, as powerful as the wind is, as beautiful as the sky is, we, as humans, were made to have dominion in this world. That is because we are His children, and the love He has for us is even greater than that which He has for His other creations. How cool is that?
Today I gained a greater appreciation for that knowledge. I realized that we are always expressing gratitude and awe at the wonder and beauty of nature. A lot of people talk about how they feel so small when they are in nature, observing and appreciating the overcoming beauty of it all. But shouldn't it be different? Shouldn't we feel bigger? More empowered? Not only does the Father love us enough to create these things for our enjoyment, but He trusts us enough to put them in our care. It is my belief that this world and this life, in more ways than one, is a preparation for things to come. If we live our lives worthily and diligently, it will be our privilege to someday have the same godly experience of creating and ruling. In His gift to us of the Creation, Heavenly Father is teaching us something of our divine nature. We, too, have the inherent power to create.
Also, sometimes we feel ugly. I've had plenty of ugly days myself, and they're not fun. Especially when we're at camp and we aren't showering or wearing makeup or doing our hair, we might feel like the beauty of nature is so much greater than our own. But please remember on your ugly days that, in our Father's eyes, you are the most beautiful of His creations. I would submit that the only thing more beautiful than us is the Plan of Salvation, the purpose of which is to bring us back to our Father's presence. You are an essential part of that plan. A very beautiful part. Next time you stop and take a minute to appreciate nature, take two minutes and remember to appreciate yourself, your body, your life, your purpose, your destiny. And then thank our Father for His infinite wisdom and creativity. Thank Him for the world that was created for us, but also thank Him for Us, that the world could be filled by such beloved and beautiful inhabitants.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Bucket list
In a recent conversation with a dear friend of mine, I realized that the main source of my recent anxiety and restlessness has come from not knowing what my life holds for me once I graduate college next year. NEXT YEAR?!?!? REALLY?!?! . . . Dag.
Anyway, I knew part of it was because of a few of these big changes happening soon:
~I'm moving from the apartment I've lived in for three years -- and completely on my own; I'm not taking anyone with me. It's a brand new start.
~I am leaving in 105 days to go to Europe for 2 months. (I'm buying the plane ticket tomorrow! Eek!)
~My friend Nathan is coming home from his mission in October. . . . Don't read too much into that; it just means I won't be running to the mailbox every day after school. But trust me, that is a big change. I'll need to start finding alternative means of exercising. :)
~My little sister will be coming to college with me in August.
~I will turn 21 in September. And I will likely spend my 21st birthday drinking root beer. Though I guess that isn't a change, but the 21 thing is still a milestone I guess.
There are others, too, but those are some of the more significant ones.
As I was talking with my friend, I expressed the frustration and even a little bit of dread that I feel when I think about my life after college. I know what I want to do, but I don't know how I am going to obtain it. And, with all these big things happening, it is sometimes hard to see that the big things can keep on happening even after this important, exciting time in my life.
So, this wonderful friend of mine suggested that I make a bucket list. He said I should include short-term goals, like things that I want to see while I am in Europe, as well as long-term things -- just little (or big) things I want to do before I die.
I've started making that bucket list, and it really has eased some of the anxiety already. Especially because I'm on my way to a couple of them.
What I'm listing here are just a couple of the things on my "to do before I graduate college" bucket list, not including my goals for the study abroad:
1: Take an organ class. (Registered, Spring 2010)
4: Learn to play the harmonica (I purchased one last week. I'll be self-taught, and probably not very good, but it should be a blast!)
5. Kiss at least one boy. hahahahahaha. . . . That's just to freak my daddy out.
Anyway, moral of the story: I am excited to try new things and bring a little more music back in my life! Literally and figuratively. Wish me luck!
Anyway, I knew part of it was because of a few of these big changes happening soon:
~I'm moving from the apartment I've lived in for three years -- and completely on my own; I'm not taking anyone with me. It's a brand new start.
~I am leaving in 105 days to go to Europe for 2 months. (I'm buying the plane ticket tomorrow! Eek!)
~My friend Nathan is coming home from his mission in October. . . . Don't read too much into that; it just means I won't be running to the mailbox every day after school. But trust me, that is a big change. I'll need to start finding alternative means of exercising. :)
~My little sister will be coming to college with me in August.
~I will turn 21 in September. And I will likely spend my 21st birthday drinking root beer. Though I guess that isn't a change, but the 21 thing is still a milestone I guess.
There are others, too, but those are some of the more significant ones.
As I was talking with my friend, I expressed the frustration and even a little bit of dread that I feel when I think about my life after college. I know what I want to do, but I don't know how I am going to obtain it. And, with all these big things happening, it is sometimes hard to see that the big things can keep on happening even after this important, exciting time in my life.
So, this wonderful friend of mine suggested that I make a bucket list. He said I should include short-term goals, like things that I want to see while I am in Europe, as well as long-term things -- just little (or big) things I want to do before I die.
I've started making that bucket list, and it really has eased some of the anxiety already. Especially because I'm on my way to a couple of them.
What I'm listing here are just a couple of the things on my "to do before I graduate college" bucket list, not including my goals for the study abroad:
1: Take an organ class. (Registered, Spring 2010)
2: Use the skills learned in the organ class to take carillon lessons in the fall (I really want to play the bell tower! And I've heard that the best s'mores are made by roasting the marshmallows on the big lights.)
3: Learn to sing like a black woman4: Learn to play the harmonica (I purchased one last week. I'll be self-taught, and probably not very good, but it should be a blast!)
5. Kiss at least one boy. hahahahahaha. . . . That's just to freak my daddy out.
Anyway, moral of the story: I am excited to try new things and bring a little more music back in my life! Literally and figuratively. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The end of an era.
Okay folks, it's official. I am moving after this semester is over.
Weird.
See, I've lived in the same apartment since I started college almost three years ago. This place has been host to so many wonderful memories with so many roommates, friends, and even family members who have come to mean so much to me. It really has become my home, and I am going to miss it.
But I am looking forward with excitement and great hopes for what spring term will bring me. The new place is WAY closer to campus, cheaper, and has other perks, like a weight room and an extra freezer. I think the freezer might be where I sleep if it gets too hot.
The main point of this post, though, is to say that I am actually ready for change. The things happening within the next year are so far beyond a new calling, a new set of roommates, and rearranged furniture. These are changes in my experience, my lifestyle -- my entire being. I am truly grateful to the Lord for the opportunities He has blessed me with these past several years, and especially for the upcoming ones and the feeling of absolute peace and security (rather than doubt and fear) that are assuring me that these changes, these decisions, are good ones. Turns out I can make decisions after all, and I know that the Lord guides me through them.
Things are happening, people. Big things.
Weird.
See, I've lived in the same apartment since I started college almost three years ago. This place has been host to so many wonderful memories with so many roommates, friends, and even family members who have come to mean so much to me. It really has become my home, and I am going to miss it.
But I am looking forward with excitement and great hopes for what spring term will bring me. The new place is WAY closer to campus, cheaper, and has other perks, like a weight room and an extra freezer. I think the freezer might be where I sleep if it gets too hot.
The main point of this post, though, is to say that I am actually ready for change. The things happening within the next year are so far beyond a new calling, a new set of roommates, and rearranged furniture. These are changes in my experience, my lifestyle -- my entire being. I am truly grateful to the Lord for the opportunities He has blessed me with these past several years, and especially for the upcoming ones and the feeling of absolute peace and security (rather than doubt and fear) that are assuring me that these changes, these decisions, are good ones. Turns out I can make decisions after all, and I know that the Lord guides me through them.
Things are happening, people. Big things.
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