"In ten years, he's never said to me, 'Nice muumuu,' or nothin'."

You've heard of bad hair days, right? I know I've had my fair share of them. My hair has actually been pretty well-behaved lately, but I think it gave my pants a few tips on how to make my brain feel as scattered as a dandelion in front of an oscillating electric fan set on high in the mornings.

There are plenty of days (usually the few days right after laundry day) when my pants fit me pretty well. They stay on my body, they look fairly flattering, and I feel comfortable in them. Those are the grand mornings when I can roll out of bed, throw on any clothing I own--matching or not--and get out the door on time, feeling great.

There are also plenty of days--once my pants have been worn once or twice--when they don't quite fit like I want them to, but I still feel okay about the way I look in them.

And every now and again, I have days when my pants go on strike and refuse to fit my butt. Like, they decide to fall off of it instead of staying where they should. (Disclaimer: There are also some days when my clothes have the opposite butt-problem, but we don't like to talk about those days. Plus that hasn't happened for a while so we're pretending like it's not an issue.) Now, I suppose I could just go on strike and refuse to wear pants, but that means I'd either have to wear shorts, a dress, or nothing to cover my butt. It's getting too chilly for shorts and dresses, and I'd never get out the door if half-nakedness were the only option.

Now, I tell you all of this so you understand what I mean when I tell you that today was a really bad pants-strike day. This morning, I tried on almost every pair of pants I own to try and find some that didn't have a saggy bottom, but to no avail. I tried the dress route, but even the dresses hated me today. It got frustrating enough that at one point I found myself thinking that I wish I lived in Florida so I could go raid grandma's closet, because even one of her muumuu would look better on me than my clothes were looking.

I finally put on the least-saggy pair of jeans I could find and went on to have a sufficiently good day. But man, oh, man, I sure did scare myself with the muumuu wish. I guess it's time to do laundry and/or whip out my sewing machine!